Written by: Chelsea Kwon
Growing up, I always felt different, like there was something about me that just didn’t fit. As a Korean-American, I often felt less intelligent than other Asians at school because I struggled with math and didn’t have the motivation to excel and push myself academically like they did—to be honest, I could care less about school. I never considered ADHD as a possibility, mainly because I managed to get by in school, not excelling, but doing the bare minimum to pass. In my very ignorant mind, at the time, ADHD or ADD looked a certain way: kids who couldn’t sit still, who were constantly bouncing off the walls, or who struggled so much academically that they failed classes. I didn’t see myself in that stereotype, so I dismissed the idea completely. What I didn’t realize was that ADHD can show up in so many subtle ways, and looking back, I had been displaying many of the signs since I was a little girl—I just didn’t know what to look for. Like countless other neurospicy (neurodivergent hehe) women, my diagnosis came fashionably late. It wasn’t until I turned 29—after first being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder—that I finally discovered I had ADHD, too.
Here are a few subtle signs that kept popping up from childhood to adulthood that made me suspect there was something off about me:
Compared to everyone around me, it seemed like they could actually focus during the hour-long lectures, follow the teacher’s instructions, and somehow remember everything that was said during lectures—then turn around and complete their assignments with no problem. Meanwhile, I’d zone out, doodling or daydreaming in lalaland, and then struggle for hours—sometimes five or more—just to finish a simple discussion post that others knocked out in half an hour. I’d find myself doing anything except what I was supposed to be doing, like cleaning or cooking, just to avoid studying or doing homework or whatever non-interesting task I had to do. And rather than spreading out my studying for a Friday test (for example) by studying an hour every day, I’d procrastinate all week and end up pulling an all-nighter on Thursday, cramming everything in at the last minute. I used to jump into new projects or tasks with excitement, but following them through to the end was a whole different story. The same went for reading—I’d pick up book after book, rarely making it to the last page. Even when I managed to read for hours, I’d often realize I couldn’t remember a thing, because my mind would drift off and I’d end up lost in daydreams instead.
I discovered I could focus much better when I listened to music—it was like it gave me a boost of motivation and made studying less boring. Music helped drown out all the little distractions, because trying to work in total silence just meant my attention drifted to every tiny noise: the air conditioning humming, cars passing by outside, or any random sound in the background. Taking tests in a completely silent classroom was even harder—every little sound, like someone shifting in their seat, the scratch of a pencil, or a classmate getting up, would grab my attention and make it almost impossible to focus on the exam. On top of that, I’d be internally freaking out about not having enough time to finish, because my attention went to the noises in my environment instead of the test in front of me. Something I found really interesting when I was a nursing major at the first university I went to, was how differently I performed in my classes. I was flunking my microbiology lecture—honestly, those lectures were painfully boring, with barely any visuals, and I just couldn’t focus for an hour and a half straight. Zoning out and being confused afterwards was inevitable. But when it came to microbiology lab, which ended up being my favorite science class ever, I was totally engaged. I actually looked forward to doing the homework, drawing and learning each bacterial strain, to the point it consumed me and found it genuinely fun that I didn’t even have to try to focus, it just came naturally. I procrastinated with all my other classes, but never with lab—it just didn’t make sense to me at the time, but I genuinely loved it. Looking back, this was a textbook ADHD trait—hyperfocus. I’d get completely immersed in the things that captivated me, while anything that didn’t grab my interest would get completely ignored.
I was also really bad with money—saving felt impossible, like there was an impulse to spend everything as soon as I got paid on things I didn’t need but wanted. It’s definitely improved over time, but it’s still a challenge I struggle with. I constantly craved novelty and would get restless or bored with anything routine. I found myself struggling alot with delayed gratification and choosing instant gratification every time in the form of spending, shopping, food, sex, drugs, tattoos, and impulse decisions. I honestly felt that this urge didn’t slow down until I was 32. Lately, I’ve realized that my impulsivity symptoms, as a neurospicy woman, tend to spike when my period is about to start. This impulsivity also showed up in my driving during my 20s, leading to several car accidents. Sometimes I’d forget to check for oncoming traffic, or I’d make a split-second decision to speed through instead of waiting for a safe gap. Other times, accidents happened because my mind was overloaded—trying to juggle a dozen thoughts at once or making a U-turn because I’d forgotten something at home. Instead of driving with a clear head, I was behind the wheel with mental tabs open, all competing for my attention.
Additionally, I’d rush through tasks and tests because I just didn’t have the patience to slow down, which meant I’d constantly make careless mistakes. On the emotional side—apart from my borderline traits—I was extremely sensitive to rejection, quick to react, and impulsive, often blurting out things I probably should have kept to myself, not to mention, constantly interrupting others because if I didn’t say that thought it would be lost forever. Inside my head, it felt like I always had 20 browser tabs or post it notes open, trying to get everything done, but not sure where to start, leading to me getting overstimulated and drowning in anxiety. Everything feels urgent and I struggle to figure out what to tackle first, which often leaves me paralyzed and unable to get much done. I usually manage to meet deadlines for work and school, but the constant procrastination and chaos in my process make it way more stressful than it needs to be. I’d get so overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do that I’d end up doing nothing at all and feeling like a fucking failure and disappointed in myself. For years, I thought I was just lazy or not smart enough, and even when I was well-rested, I couldn’t figure out why simple tasks like grocery shopping or running errands felt so hard. ADHD burnout would hit me so hard sometimes that all I could do was “couch rot.” Whenever I tried to tell a story or explain something, I’d end up on a long-winded detour—starting with A and B before ever getting to my actual point, C, and sometimes forgetting why I brought it up in the first place. I’d go into a room and instantly forget why I was there. I’ve also lost track of my car in parking lots or garages for half an hour, and I’m constantly misplacing my phone, keys, wallet, or TV remote.
Just like my borderline personality disorder diagnosis, I knew something was off with me, and it wasn’t until I got diagnosed with ADHD very late in life that I finally began to understand that I wasn’t lazy or dumb, I just lacked dopamine and struggled with executive functioning common among neurodivergents or what I like to call it—neurospicy. Just like my borderline personality disorder diagnosis, I knew something was off with me, and it wasn’t until I got diagnosed with ADHD very late in life that I finally began to understand that I wasn’t lazy or dumb, I just lacked dopamine and struggled with executive functioning common among neurodivergents or what I like to call it—neurospicy. It’s not a lack of ability; if something doesn’t capture my interest, I simply can’t bring myself to engage with it.
Here are some of the hallmark symptoms of ADHD:
- Chronic disorganization: Difficulty keeping track of belongings, schedules, or responsibilities.
- Forgetfulness: Frequently forgetting appointments, deadlines, frequently running late, or why you entered a room.
- Trouble focusing: Being easily distracted by external stimuli or internal racing thoughts, which can lead to daydreaming or “zoning out” during conversations.
- Restlessness: Feeling internally fidgety, anxious, or unable to relax, even if not physically hyperactive.
- Emotional sensitivity: Intense reactions to criticism, rejection, or perceived failure (rejection sensitive dysphoria).
- Impulsivity: Making impulsive decisions (shopping, relationships, blurting things out, interrupting conversations/people, speeding, risky sexual behavior) without thinking them through or about the consequences
- Difficulty with time management: Chronic lateness, underestimating how long tasks will take, or procrastinating and doing tasks at the last minute or the day of
- Overwhelm and burnout: Feeling easily overwhelmed by daily tasks, leading to exhaustion and periods of “shutting down.”
- Problems with follow-through: Starting a bunch of projects or tasks with enthusiasm but struggling to complete them.
- Hyperfocus: Becoming so absorbed in a task or interest that everything else is ignored.
- Mood swings: Frequent shifts between feeling energetic, motivated, and then tired or down.
- Low self-esteem: Struggling with feelings of inadequacy or not measuring up, often due to missed expectations.
- Social challenges: Difficulty maintaining friendships, following conversations, or remembering social commitments.
There are 3 types of ADHD: Inattentive, Hyperactive-Impulsive, and Combined. The inattentive type—more common in women—shows up as forgetfulness, distractibility, racing thoughts, and chronic disorganization; Hyperactive-impulsive ADHD is marked by restlessness, nonstop talking, impulsive actions, and boundless energy, and the combined type is a blend of both (ADDA Editorial Team 2026). While there’s plenty of overlap, ADHD symptoms often look different in men and women. ADHD presents differently in women and men. In women, ADHD symptoms often become noticeable around puberty and primarily involve inattention, with a higher likelihood of experiencing anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and loneliness (ADDA Editorial Team 2026). In contrast, ADHD in men is often identified earlier in childhood due to more obvious hyperactive and impulsive behaviors, making them more prone to disruptive or even aggressive actions (ADDA Editorial Team 2026).
However, there also something called High-functioning ADHD, which manifests as a form of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder where symptoms are less visible or are skillfully concealed, often through well-developed coping strategies or “masking”—especially among women (Garcia 2025). Unlike the more recognizable, disruptive presentations of ADHD, those with high-functioning ADHD often manage to keep up with daily demands, but only by investing significant extra effort (Garcia 2025). Women with high-functioning ADHD may achieve academically or professionally, yet they constantly battle challenges like distractibility, impulsiveness, and struggles with time management behind the scenes—this hidden effort can result in ongoing stress, exhaustion, burnout, and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression (Garcia 2025). Because their symptoms are subtler and masked by social expectations to appear composed, high-functioning neurodivergent women are often overlooked and remain undiagnosed.
High Functioning ADHD Is Real—It’s not something you’re making up
This likely contributed to why my diagnosis was delayed—my symptoms didn’t stand out. I was usually punctual, earned good grades, finished my schoolwork at time, and excelled at work, so it hardly seemed possible that I could have ADHD. But maintaining that outward appearance took a tremendous amount of hidden effort. While I seemed to be managing just fine, internally I was constantly scrambling to put out fires that no one else could see. For years, I gaslit myself into believing I was just lazy, when in reality, undiagnosed ADHD was at play. I’d tell myself I just needed to “try harder” or push through my lack of motivation, and I chalked up my disorganization and missed deadlines to carelessness. Every time I procrastinated, I saw it as a moral failing, not a symptom. I felt guilty for struggling to focus or finish tasks, assuming it was a sign of laziness or lack of drive. Forgetting appointments or important details made me feel irresponsible, and I constantly wondered why I couldn’t keep up with routines like everyone else, blaming it again on laziness. I’d shame myself for finding basic chores or errands overwhelming, never considering executive dysfunction might be the real reason. Even my accomplishments felt minimized, as if I was just scraping by instead of genuinely trying. I convinced myself I didn’t deserve help or accommodations, believing I just needed more willpower, and I regularly dismissed how overwhelmed I felt, telling myself I was just being dramatic or making excuses. A decade later, I finally got a diagnosis and experimented with various medications and therapy until I discovered what actually helped. Even now, it’s still a journey, but I’m proud to say that I’ll be earning my bachelor’s degree in Marketing at the end of June this year. It might have taken me a long time to figure things out, and I’ve faced many setbacks along the way. But that’s perfectly fine. Be kind to yourself. Starting over is always possible, whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or 60s.
The Perks of being Neurospicy
Living with ADHD means you see the world through a vibrant, adventurous lens—sometimes it’s chaotic and unpredictable, but it’s also packed with hidden gems. Sure, there are plenty of bumps along the way, but there are also some amazing perks that come with having a neurospicy brain. You’re often the one sparking ideas, making connections and seeing thing differently that others miss, and coming up with creative solutions right when they’re needed most. When something really grabs my interest, I can lose myself in it for hours, totally zoned in and getting a ton done. All the years I’ve spent juggling different challenges have taught me how to bounce back and adapt, turning setbacks into creative solutions that I might not have found otherwise. That sparkly and bubbly energy you have is more than just hyper restlessness—it’s a contagious enthusiasm that can light up any room or project you’re part of. Your impulsivity, while challenging at times, also brings a sense of spontaneity and courage, leading you into unexpected adventures and bold decisions. Because you know what it’s like to struggle, you have deep wells of empathy and a real talent for connecting with others, using humor and compassion as your social superpowers. So yes, ADHD comes with its own hurdles, but it also gives you a toolkit of strengths that can help you shine in every area of your life—from work, to relationships, to creative passions. At the end of the day, your struggles and failures don’t define you—your resilience does. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. Wherever you are on your neurospicy journey, remember to give yourself grace. Progress rarely follows a straight path; in my experience, it’s often full of twists, turns, and setbacks. But every step—no matter the direction—still propels you forward. So, if your journey looks a little messy or unconventional, remember that you’re likely doing better than you think.
Here’s to everyone out there navigating their own neurospicy adventure. You’re not alone—and your brain is pretty amazing, just as it is.
Love,
Your Neurospicy ♡ Feral Techno Demoness ♡
References
ADDA Editorial Team. (2026, February 6). ADHD in women: Signs, symptoms, and treatment. ADDA – Attention Deficit Disorder Association. https://add.org/adhd-in-women/
Garcia, S. (2025, May 15). High-functioning ADHD in women: Symptoms, signs & impact – amae health. High-Functioning ADHD in Women: Symptoms, Signs & Impact – Amae Health. https://www.amaehealth.com/blog/understanding-high-functioning-adhd-in-women
HelpGuide.org. (2025, December 18). ADHD in Women ADHD Symptoms, Treatment, and Support for Women. https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/adhd/adhd-in-women
The National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: What You Need to Know. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-what-you-need-to-know#:~:text=Running%2C%20climbing%2C%20or%20moving%20around,in%20conversations%2C%20games%2C%20or%20meetings